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    #1561
    Re: Daily funnies

    This one is for the ladies with a good guy!



    Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.

    Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

    Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

    Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

    Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

    He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

    "Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

    Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

    His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

    Comment

      #1562
      Re: Daily funnies

      LOL... Cute..
      "I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person."

      Comment

        #1563
        Re: Daily funnies

        I've always heard that drinking makes you say stupid things....

        Comment

          #1564
          Re: Daily funnies

          LATEST STUDY FROM ARGENTINA

          A scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

          Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

          Originally posted by Traxy
          If his moral character isn't good enough for the goddamn Saskatchewan Roughriders, it sure as hell isn't good enough for the Green and Gold.
          Interesting that it was the Riders who moaned and bitched for a salary cap, and since a cap was put in place for them, they only years they've won they broke the salary cap rules.

          Comment

            #1565
            Re: Daily funnies

            My hand was on my mouse.

            I've also heard that staring at cleavage for 10 minutes a day is the equivalent to 30 mins of cardio. For men it keeps them alert and refreshed.

            Comment

              #1566
              Re: Daily funnies

              Originally posted by esks4life
              My hand was on my mouse.

              I've also heard that staring at cleavage for 10 minutes a day is the equivalent to 30 mins of cardio. For men it keeps them alert and refreshed.
              Well my g/f has been bugging me to exercise more, I think I will propose this. The funeral will be held in Regina a week from today....
              Originally posted by Traxy
              If his moral character isn't good enough for the goddamn Saskatchewan Roughriders, it sure as hell isn't good enough for the Green and Gold.
              Interesting that it was the Riders who moaned and bitched for a salary cap, and since a cap was put in place for them, they only years they've won they broke the salary cap rules.

              Comment

                #1567
                Re: Daily funnies

                Originally posted by griswold
                Well my g/f has been bugging me to exercise more, I think I will propose this. The funeral will be held in Regina a week from today....
                Just look at hers and you'll be fine
                "This year, we did what we were supposed to do. We fought as a team. We fought as a team. And the fact is, we gotta go back and go to work, to make sure we finish this next time. That's all we gotta do. This right here makes us stronger. Let's understand who we are as a team. Let's understand this right here makes us stronger." - Ray Lewis, January, 2012.

                Superbowl Champs 2013.

                Comment

                  #1568
                  Re: Daily funnies

                  Originally posted by PDO
                  Just look at hers and you'll be fine
                  But that's like looking at your own car and be envious. You want to look at hotter cars than what you own.
                  Originally posted by Traxy
                  If his moral character isn't good enough for the goddamn Saskatchewan Roughriders, it sure as hell isn't good enough for the Green and Gold.
                  Interesting that it was the Riders who moaned and bitched for a salary cap, and since a cap was put in place for them, they only years they've won they broke the salary cap rules.

                  Comment

                    #1569
                    Re: Daily funnies

                    Originally posted by griswold
                    But that's like looking at your own car and be envious. You want to look at hotter cars than what you own.
                    And if you owned a Corvette?

                    You don't need to be envious, you should be admiring it!
                    "This year, we did what we were supposed to do. We fought as a team. We fought as a team. And the fact is, we gotta go back and go to work, to make sure we finish this next time. That's all we gotta do. This right here makes us stronger. Let's understand who we are as a team. Let's understand this right here makes us stronger." - Ray Lewis, January, 2012.

                    Superbowl Champs 2013.

                    Comment

                      #1570
                      Re: Daily funnies

                      Even if you already have a corvette. I think it should be ok to look at, or fantasize about, a corvette of a different colour or make.

                      Comment

                        #1571
                        Re: Daily funnies

                        Originally posted by BaronAmongYou
                        Even if you already have a corvette. I think it should be ok to look at, or fantasize about, a corvette of a different colour or make.
                        Fair enough, just don't get caught
                        "This year, we did what we were supposed to do. We fought as a team. We fought as a team. And the fact is, we gotta go back and go to work, to make sure we finish this next time. That's all we gotta do. This right here makes us stronger. Let's understand who we are as a team. Let's understand this right here makes us stronger." - Ray Lewis, January, 2012.

                        Superbowl Champs 2013.

                        Comment

                          #1572
                          Re: Daily funnies

                          Pastor's donkey

                          A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again. The local paper read:
                          PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

                          The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read:
                          BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

                          This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline:
                          NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

                          The Bishop fainted.

                          He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the headlines read:
                          NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

                          This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read:
                          NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

                          Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.

                          MORAL OF THE STORY???

                          Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and
                          even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

                          Comment

                            #1573
                            Re: Daily funnies

                            The Missing Golf Ball

                            A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises,
                            two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

                            Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

                            "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
                            difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.

                            We went to look for them and while I was looking around,
                            I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

                            "I walked over, lifted its tail and, sure enough, there was a golf ball
                            with my wife's monogram on it ...
                            - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

                            "Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

                            "I don't remember much after that."


                            AS for griz and looking:
                            Hey I maybe married, but I aint burried yet.
                            Just because you are on a diet does not mean that you can't look at the menu, there are just no freee samples
                            "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

                            "The only thing I ever feared was failure" - Dan Kepley

                            Comment

                              #1574
                              Re: Daily funnies

                              A young fellow from Newfoundland moves to Calgary and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

                              The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

                              The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Newfoundland ."

                              Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

                              His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

                              "How many sales did you make today?"

                              The kid says, "One."

                              The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"

                              The kid says, "$112,237.64."

                              The boss says, "$112,237.64! What the hell did you sell?"

                              Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said out at the lake in BC, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat d epartment and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."

                              The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"

                              Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.
                              "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

                              "The only thing I ever feared was failure" - Dan Kepley

                              Comment

                                #1575
                                Re: Daily funnies

                                Originally posted by budha
                                AS for griz and looking:
                                Hey I maybe married, but I aint burried yet.
                                Just because you are on a diet does not mean that you can't look at the menu, there are just no freee samples
                                It don't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home

                                Comment

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