Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

What did the doe say when she walked out of the woods?

"I'll never do that for two bucks again!" LOL

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say,"Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around , saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot said yes. He asked the parrot his name the parrot said, "Moses". The burglar asked, "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?

To which the parrot replied...

"The same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

I would just like to share an experience with you and it has to do with drinking and driving.

Last Saturday night I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had way too many Scotch on the Rocks. Knowing full well I was thoroughly "wasted", I did something I've never done before in my life................I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before.

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

When you're from the country ~ your perception is a little different..
A Rider Fan in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The Rider fan stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the Rider Fan uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment.
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Multi national pub

---

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub.
The bouncer says "Sorry.. I can't let you in without a Thai"

[turftoe27]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Multi national pub

---

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub.
The bouncer says "Sorry.. I can't let you in without a Thai"

What no Irish !!!!! Dang we get no respect, they didn't even want us in Rock Ridge. you must spread some rep around before giving to pizmo again. I'm gonna need a cue card to tell this joke

[gizmo fan 2]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Multi national pub

---

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub.
The bouncer says "Sorry.. I can't let you in without a Thai"

Someone else has been reading the Sydney papers, eh?

(At least, I think that's where I saw that earlier today.)

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Someone else has been reading the Sydney papers, eh?

(At least, I think that's where I saw that earlier today.)

No, but I have a cousin Sydney.

[budha]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

[budha]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

A man met a fairy that would grant him one wish.
"I want to live forever," He said.
"Sorry" said the fairy,
"I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine," He said,
"I want to die after the Saskatchwan Rough Riders win the Grey Cup."
"You crafty little *******," said the fairy.

[Steve Vale]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

"I want to die after the Saskatchwan Rough Riders win the Grey Cup."
"You crafty little *******," said the fairy.

Change Rough Riders to Chicago Cubs and the guy would live longer than Methuselah.

[turftoe27]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

NEWFIE : Give me three packets of condoms, please.

CASHIER : Do you need a paper bag with that, sir ?

NEWFIE : Nah..... She's not that ugly !!!!

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

I walked into an S & M brothel the other day and asked,
"What can I get for $200?"

The dominmatrix replied,
"Total humiliation!"
I said, "Great!!!" and handed over the $200.

She tied me up, put a STAMPS jersey on me and shoved me back outside.

[Red Dog]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

I apologize in advance if this offends anyone...just was pretty funny to me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLT5sjS-v-c

Hopson's Rider Rant

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

indian clock

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There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his **** sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.
Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.
After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."