Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

[Steve Vale]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Did you hear about the latest pirate movie that's coming out?

It's rated arrrrrrr

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor and yells "here's your change *******!"

The guy looks down at the coins and says: "I'll have another beer, please."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer...

Taking the beer, he takes a few sips.

A couple sits down next to him, orders drinks and starts up a conversation with the cowboy. They ask him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

The cowboy thinks for a moment, and says "Well, I guess so. I ride horses, herd cattle, wear cowboy boots, work outside all day, so yeah, I am a real cowboy."

After the conversation ends, the couple leaves a bar. A few moments later, a young woman sits at the bar and strikes up a conversation with the cowboy, asking "Are you a real cowboy?"

The cowboy responds a little a faster this time, stating "Yeah I guess so, I ride horses, herd cattle, wear cowboy boots, work outside all day, so yeah I am a real cowboy."

Annoyed by the second person asking, the cowboy asks the woman what she is. The woman responds "I am a lesbian, I think about girls all day, when I wake up in the morning, in the shower, eating meals, before bed, I'm thinking about girls."

The conversation ends and the woman leaves the bar. A few moments later, a young man sits at the bar next to the cowboy, and asks "Are you a real cowboy?"

The cowboy responds "I used to think so, but I just discovered I'm a lesbian."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

Did you know that dogs have certain accents based on the countries their from?

For example, in Korea, they make a sizzling noise

[Steve Vale]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

[Foxhound]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

So 1.5 billion Communist Chinamen walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender is understandably startled by this sudden influx of Chinese patrons. By way of enquiry he says to one of them "Geeee, we don't often get many of you Chinese fellows in this bar."

"Not surprising" the Chinese fellow replies. "With this atmosphere of decadent capitalist exploitation of the masses, you're not likely to get many more."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread



- - - Updated - - -

[coach_ditka]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your lap."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

For old farts....

How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One will see you later, and the other one will see you after a while.

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread

I heard my friend’s say there is a gay guy in our group of friends

I really hope it’s Steve, he’s cute