Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

[Evil Dr. Len]

another joke from the Evil Doctor

you know, they say comedy is good for ya...

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose
a
husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the
men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to
choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of
girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...


First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The
women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a
job
or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.


Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's
further up?"


Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good
looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women,
"Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.


Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids,
are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong
romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be
awaiting us further on!

So up to the fifth floor they went.


Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to
prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we
hope you fall down the stairs."
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[Esks4ever]

Re: another joke from the Evil Doctor

Hey now... you should have added this to the daily funnies thread... It seems to be the thread designated for jokes and the like

merged.

[eskimoses]

Re: Family Values

A little boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework assignment is to find out the difference between "potentially" and "realistically'

"Easy," said his father. "First ask Mom if she'd sleep with the Mailman for a million dollars."

The Boy runs off, then comes back and says, "she said yes."

"Now go off and ask your sister the same question," advises the father.

Again the boy runs off, and again he comes back and says, "She said yes."

"So, potentially, we're sitting on two million dollars, " replies the father. "But, realistically, we're living with a pair of whores."

__________________________________________________ __________________

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

Union dues

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a local brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I’m sorry, it isn’t," she says.

"Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."

Mighty offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps off in search of a more equitable shop.

Finally, he reaches a brothel where the madam says, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That’s more like it!" the man says. He looks around the room and points to a gorgeous young redhead. "I’d like her for the night."

"I’m sure you would, sir, but…" says the madam, gesturing at a 70-year-old woman in the corner, "Ethel here has seniority."

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day when the man looked over at his wife and said, "Your butt’s getting huge. I bet it’s bigger than the barbecue."

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he went over to where his wife was working and measured her butt.

"I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband felt a little frisky. He made some advances toward her, but she completely brushed him off.

"What’s wrong?" he asked.

She replied, "Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

And one last joke : for now : to start your crappy Tuesday off :


A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

here's a couple more T-Shirts...

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

some more....

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

and more...

[Nanookster]

Re: Daily funnies

Those are good. I only had seen one before!!

[Nanookster]

Re: Daily funnies

OK- keeping with my Calgary theme here is a joke i really like:

Subject: Canadian Story

A Canadian guy walks into a bar on a remote Greek island, and the waitress takes his order, a Molson, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get talking and she tells him she's Canadian too.

At the end of the evening Joe asks Darlene (for they are their names)
if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Darlene is traveling the world and because she is short of funds agrees.

The next night Joe turns up again, orders a Molson and after showing
her plenty of attention throughout the night asks if she will sleep with
him again for $200. Darlene remembers the night before and is only too
happy, so agrees. This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night Joe comes in, orders his Molson, and sits in the
corner. Darlene thinks that if she pays him some more attention then
maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him, so she goes over and
sits next to him. She asks him where he's from, and he tells her:
"Calgary". "So am I...Where in Calgary?" "Montgomery" he replies.

"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?" "Mcleod Street"
he replies. "This is unbelievable..." she says, "What number?" He
says "2460" and she is totally astonished. "Whoa - You are not going
to believe this but I'm from Number 2475! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"

HE WHO DRINKS CANADIAN THINKS CANADIAN!

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

Yes very good indeed,, nice way to start another crappy day at work off

[Nanookster]

Re: Daily funnies

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis who women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.








Keep scrolling
















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Female Readers who are still reading: This again proves that women never listen to anything. (just having fun ladies)

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

good twist nookster, I had heard the joke before, but not with that ending...

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies