Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

[gizmo fan 2]

Re: Daily funnies

I have just recieved word that the international sign for marriage has been released world-wide....

[Sniper_Fire]

Re: Daily funnies

At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.
LouAnne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

[Sniper_Fire]

Re: Daily funnies

Another photo from the last Rider-fan Hot Tub party...

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

Little Johnny returned home from school, informing his father that he received an F in arithmetic and a stern spanking.
“What happened?” asked the father.

“Well,” little Johnny said, “the teacher asked ‘How much is two times three?’ and I said ‘six.’”

“But that’s right!” said the father.

“Then,” said little Johnny, “she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’”

“What’s the ****ing difference?” asked the father.

“That’s what I said!”

[gizmo fan 2]

Re: Daily funnies

Beautiful!

[Sniper_Fire]

Re: Daily funnies

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends
$5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she
stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my
asking,but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some
mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight
is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how
old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let
me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you
EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He
gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs
them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says. "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could
you tell?'
The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't." she says.
He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

[esks4life]

Re: Daily funnies

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

:rofl :

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

[56Parkies]

Re: Daily funnies

I gotta remember that one..

[Chucker44]

Re: Daily funnies

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfoundlander were sitting in a bar in Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nothin'," said the Newfie. "Back home in Sin Jahn's there's the Codfish Bar. The moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately shout down the Newfie's claims, but he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, still suspicious. "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me myself, personally, no," admitted the Newf. "But it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

a classic

[gizmo fan 2]

Re: Daily funnies

Those are great.

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies

[Sniper_Fire]

Re: Daily funnies

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow, Il come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down, "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says "one."
The boss says, "just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day!
How much was the sale for?
The kid says " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,23764? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook, then I sold him a medium fish hook, then I sold him a larger fish hook, then I sold him a new fishing rod, then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.."