Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread 
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Hope, at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
Fear of falling
I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...
...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
I have two conditions in my will...
1) I want my remains spread around Disney World
2) I do not want to be crematedWALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELING IN AUSTRALIA!
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”
She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old *******!”
He shrugged and turned away saying,
"Okay, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”
She didn’t jump.WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
Beer anyone ?
Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them.
Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage.
Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!”
Come on, says Paddy, follow me.
They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay.
Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”.
The barman goes berserk and throws them out.
10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”.
“How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”!WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
Sex in the dark
A couple has been married for 20 years.
Every time they make love, the husband always insists on shutting off the light.
After 20 years the wife feels that this is ridiculous.
She figures she will break him of his crazy habit.
One night, while they are in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turns on the lights.
She looks down and sees her husband holding a battery-operated leisure device:
A vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one...
She goes completely ballistic.
“You impotent *******,” she screams at him, “How could you be lying to me all these years? You better explain yourself!”
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and states calmly,
“I'll explain the toy.
You explain the kids.”WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
EVENTS ON HIGH
Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years
A reporter said - "But the sun is too hot. How can your man land on the sun?”
There was a stunned silence.
Nobody knew how to react.
Kim Jong-Un then quietly answered, “We will land at night”.
The gathering and everyone in North Korea watching on television broke into rapturous applause.
Back in Washington, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference.
When Trump heard what Kim said, he sneered - “What an idiot, everybody knows there’s no sun at night.”
His cabinet and everyone working in the White House broke into thunderous applause!WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
Results of Trump's great meeting.WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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Re: Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread
the housekeeper
A man gets his new prescription for Viagra, and starts home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and she says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," he thinks.
The Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before, so he takes the Viagra and waits.
Well, an hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife... She calls him on the cell phone and says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
"I'm ready and my wife won't be home for another hour! What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper!!WALTER IS MY HERO!!Comment
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