Daily funnies - The Pizmo Thread :)

[Edmonton Fan]

Re: Daily funnies

I'm seriously considering neg repping you Numberz, sick of the grammar police all over the god damn place.

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love... At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak. The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?" The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

[pizmo]

Re: Daily funnies

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[Esksgurl]

Re: Daily funnies

[esks4life]

Re: Daily funnies

I'm seriously considering neg repping you Numberz, sick of the grammar police all over the god damn place.

*image removed - against foul language poilicy

[1260 Drew]

Re: Daily funnies

That was overkill...

[budha]

Re: Daily funnies

Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!


2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"


3. "Can you hear me NOW?"



4.. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"


5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."


6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"


7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."


8.. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"


9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!


10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.."


11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"


12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."


And the best one of all...


13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up here?"

[budha]

Re: Daily funnies

For all of us parents

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!


Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help & she could see why.

Even with her pulling & him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was onshe had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher,they're on the wrong feet." She looked & sure enough,they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on,
this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."


She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face & scream,
"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off & he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace & courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

[Edmonton Fan]

Re: Daily funnies

*image removed - against foul language poilicy

Thanks, I actually get that every day.

[Opus]

Re: Daily funnies

*image removed - against foul language poilicy

good band BTW......you like Metallica.....I highly suggest you take a listen to their Horrorscope album

Brilliant and wicked cover of Frankenstein

[esks4life]

Re: Daily funnies

good band BTW......you like Metallica.....I highly suggest you take a listen to their Horrorscope album

Brilliant and wicked cover of Frankenstein

I have heard them before. They are good.

I didn't know we couldn't have an image like that. I thought because this was the after hours thread it would be allowed. My apologies.

[Edmonton Fan]

Re: Daily funnies

I didn't know we couldn't have an image like that. I thought because this was the after hours thread it would be allowed. My apologies.

You knew the rules....

[esks4life]

Re: Daily funnies

I didn't. I swear I have seen pics like that before. Well at least you saw it before it was removed.

[Esks4ever]

Re: Daily funnies