Re: Daily funnies
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Re: Daily funnies
"No means eat me out first". That is the best thing I have heard in awhile.
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Re: Daily funnies
To Diet For
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Ten pounds," he replies.
"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"We’ll send someone over."
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."
The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
.....I heard the same joke....only diff is that instead of a Gorilla in the punchline, it was Richard Simmons....
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
I'd rather chase the gorilla....!Originally posted by fishman.....I heard the same joke....only diff is that instead of a Gorilla in the punchline, it was Richard Simmons....
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The Moz'
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Re: Daily funnies
Originally posted by fishman.....I heard the same joke....only diff is that instead of a Gorilla in the punchline, it was Richard Simmons....
I'll go with the Gorilla thanks
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Re: Daily funnies
that's kinda the point
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
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Q: What do anal sex and spinach have in common?
A: If you were forced to have it as a boy, you’re going to hate it as an adult.
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Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.
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Q: What do Siegfried and the tiger have in common?
A: They both know what Roy tastes like.
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Q: Why do pedophiles love Halloween so much?
A: Free delivery.Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
groan away people
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Re: Daily funnies
Mithunderthdanding
The owner of a horse farm receives a call from a friend, who informs him of a midget with a speech impediment who’s interested in buying a horse. The owner has him send the midget over.
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” replies the midget. So the owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” Promptly, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes.
“Ok, what about the eerth?” At this point, the owner is becoming aggravated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.
“OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget laments, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”
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Re: Daily funnies
the midget joke is much better than your anal jokes....
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
Originally posted by fishman the midget joke is much better than your anal jokes....
Oh I agree... what's funny is i didn't even notice all the one liner jokes where all "anal" ones...Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
ok.....you're scaring me now....must be that you're desensitized to it.....
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.Comment
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Re: Daily funnies
Originally posted by fishmanok.....you're scaring me now....must be that you're desensitized to it.....
I'm desensitized to alot of things.. not that mind you :
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Re: Daily funnies
Originally posted by Esks4everMithunderthdanding
The owner of a horse farm receives a call from a friend, who informs him of a midget with a speech impediment who’s interested in buying a horse. The owner has him send the midget over.
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” replies the midget. So the owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” Promptly, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes.
“Ok, what about the eerth?” At this point, the owner is becoming aggravated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.
“OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget laments, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”
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We're cheering Fight Fight Fight On Eskimos...Comment
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